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Hermh: The spiritual nation born (DVD)
24/07/08 || Lord K Philipson
So, here we got ourselves a DVD to review. It’s not too often we get sent material like this and it’s always nice to throw in some DVD’s to cover at GD. Maybe we should try to have more of these in the future? There are 10 sections featured here (let’s put it down as the tracklist, to make shit easier), all of them titled something br00tal and evuuul. I like br00tal and evuuul so this is bound to be awesome. With sections like these you know you can’t expect a fat fucken guy running around in a 5-year old’s corpsepaint, flashing off his beer-belly every now and then, right?
Right…
Can’t say that I was very familiar with Hermh (isn’t that the long lost brother of Kermit from The Muppets?) before this one arrived from Pagan Records together with a cd of the very same band. The Poles are a completely new acquaintance and usually new acquaintances from Poland are of the more pleasant kind. What was their moniker again? Germh? Spermh? Simenh Hastnaes?
Hohoho… I’m so killing myself here.
Let’s go thru all the 10 sections available on this disc and break this shit down for ya, bitches. I know you tr00 and evuuul sons of bitches have really looked forward to this. You can never have too much of Polish brutality. Or can you?
Deviantoprofilo (profiles): From the first second of this profile thing you know that this band is obviously all about vocalist, fatso, lyricist and only remaining original member of the band, Bart. Coz after he’s been introduced first you get to learn that both Socaris (guitars) and Hal (bass) do “backingvocals for Bart at the concerts”. This is not a band obviously, these guys have the honour of helping Bart out it seems. What’s wrong with just listing them as “backingvocals”, period? You also find out that Zuber is “responsible for the drum instruments” (hahaha… “ – Hello, I play drum instruments, how do you do?”) while Flumen (those are some great stage names, hahaha) does keyboards and synthesizers. Wow, awesome, now I’m intrigued. Let’s move the fuck on. Flumen down yer pants and let’s get ready to Bart!
Archivodevilo (archives): You can archive my ass.
Vampirodevianto (interview): I bet this is as interesting as a fucken light heavyweight title fight in the UFC given time. Or not. As S.O.D so gently put it: Speak English or die. Polish does nothing for me, and as I will tell you further down – the subtitles aren’t working for me. I’m sure he discusses alot of kurva and stuff though so this is prolly a very interesting interview. To the people inside the band that is.
Videovampiro (videoclips): Kermit sure sound better in the studio than what they do live. One video is blasphemous and pretty ok, full of blood and all that cool shit that makes a metal band metal. I have seen way worse clips in my life. The other one is more or less a performance video with shots from the movie “Nosferatu” (if I’m not completely shitfaced here) put into it. Boring, boring, boring. Bart, fart, start, Wall Mart.
Gallerographio (gallery): Here we are treated pictures, duh. You get to see naked fat guys bathing and headbanging (prolly at the same time), skinny guys with corpsepaint looking real evuuul, shots from “behind the scenes”, one more ridiculous than the next, live shots, promo shots, drunk people sleeping, etc, etc. You know the drill. This shit is as necessary as a 6 foot pole in my forehead. I didn’t laugh once while going thru this section.
Episodo I: Black diamonds (Black Diamonds Tour – Documentary), Episodo II: Demigod (Demigod Tour – Documentary), Episodo III: Torment (Torment Tour – Documentary): 3 tours being covered here. For some reason the subtitles (if there are any) won’t turn on when I watch this so I can’t say I understand much of what Bart and his cohorts are ranting about in the bus/van/whatever. Either way, we get some videos of people sleeping (the pictures just wasn’t enough, huh?). That’s mighty interesting. We also get some live footage that is less than impressive to say the least. There’s a chick playing keyboards in one of these 3 “documentaries” (who would guess a chick would be occupying that spot in a black metal band?) and she looks so fucken out of place there’s a better chance Freddie Mercury would have looked more comfortable in a lesbian community. Hermh seem to draw alot of people at these particular tours though. I can count to something like 20 people standing still watching them perform in most of the live footage. That must definitely mean they are tr00, kvlt, evuuul and all that piss. The “backstage” footage is gold too… Watching people play volleyball is very exciting. Not. Seeing Bart dry-hump a passed out fucko (band member?) is also very fascinating. Not. Footage of drunk people is another highlight. Not.
I guess it’s safe to say that you can do without this bullshit. That goes for the live footage as well. Filmed with a regular camera, the sound is what you would expect. In some of the material the sound is actually ok though. Either way, I’m not exactly making it my mission to catch Spermh live anytime soon, if you get my point.
Discodestilatio (discography): So, these guys released their first demo in 1994? I bet that one goes for a million bucks at E-Gay these days. At least I learned something from this feature. It had nothing to do with Hermh, by the way.
Devilographio (biography): A 30 second biography scrolls by without one being able to to read the shit before it’s over. You need to be fucken Porsche to keep up here. Then again, no one gives a flying cock about biographies in the first place. There’s always the über-cool (not) picture to look at and the accompanying music being looped to listen to, though. Lucky fucken us.
That was the whole DVD. I managed to sum all of its 240 (for fucks sake!) minutes into this quite short review without a problem. That should tell you something. To finish this off: the cover to this whole thing is pretty cool (you can actually see the front up to the right of this review). It’s a pregnant chick, complete with decent juggs and all. Oh, and a cut on her left boobie. She’s holding her tummy that looks like an egg about to break… And if you turn the cover over…
THE BELLY/EGG CRACKS AND A SNAKE HEADS OUT, LOOKING REALLY ST. ANGERISH WITH FANGS AND ALL!!!
Whoa! Actually, it might sound like I’m taking a piss here (and I would never take a piss on a band, you know this), but I’m not. I dig the cover.
Since Hermh is an unknown band to me (and prolly everyone else too), I can’t say I expected much from this DVD. And I didn’t exactly (far fucken from it actually) become a fan after watching it. Bottomline: I can’t give much of a fuck about Hermh’s “The spiritual nation born”. It reeks of no budget and unprofessionalism. Just like some of our writers.
- Information
- Released: 2008
- Label: Pagan Records
- Website: www.hermh.pl
- Band
- Bart: vocals
- Socaris: guitars
- Hal: bass
- Flumen: keyboards
- Zuber: drums
- Tracklist
- 01. There are sections on this disc and some of them include songs. It’s not like I’m going to type them down for you, cunt.
